Be together: 12 books about harmony in a couple

To be friends, show tenderness and spend time together, be able to admire each other and share experiences … The secrets of strong relations in a couple seem simple, but in reality they are available only to those who are open and tuned to dialogue with a partner. We share a selection of 12 books that will help you understand our feelings and establish a dialogue.

1. “Map of love”

John Gottman, Eksmo, 2011

The book is based on a famous study of the relationship between partners in marriage conducted by American family psychotherapist John Gottman in 1999.

Volunteers, couples of different ages and experience of relations, were tested by psychologists under the observation of video cameras and microphones.

Analysis of their facial expressions, gestures, intonations and feelings during the discussion of controversial topics allowed John Gottman to formulate the basic principles of a happy marriage. These laws of harmonious family relations are described in the book.

2. “WE. Deep aspects of romantic love “

Robert Johnson, Kogito Center, 2009

Romantic love is both a state of love and a psychological phenomenon, a time when in communication with another person we know the meaning of our life. But also expectations, and disappointments in them.

The American Jungian psychologist Robert Johnson explores the nature of love using the method of deep psychology – the analysis of the myth (in this case, the myth of Tristan and Isolde) as the expression of our symbolic unconscious.

The book shows the origins of romantic illusions and the authenticity of mature love.

3. “You and your family. Personal growth guide “

Virginia Satir, Institute of General Humanitarian Research, 2015

“Family life is somewhat similar to the iceberg. The fate of the sailor depends on the knowledge that the iceberg has an underwater part, and the fate of the family is on understanding the feelings, needs and structures that are behind her everyday life, ”the founder of family counseling, the American psychotherapist of Satyr, is sure.

She wrote this book for men and women who have difficulties in relations with each other. Upon learning how the family structure functions, by what laws it develops, you can understand what is happening with our couple in everyday life, and “to make your family happy”.

4. “Love, love, love: about different ways of improving relationships, about the acceptance of others and oneself”

Liz Burbo, Sofia, 2013

“Acceptance” is a keyword around which the narrative of the book of Liz Bourbo, a Canadian psychologist, creator of the school of spiritual development “Listen to your body” is built. It is about learning how to accept yourself, your loved ones as we are.

A book is a detailed decoding of a psychologist’s dialogs with his customers – a married couple. Asking questions and analyzing partners’ answers, Liz Burbo analyzes each situation in detail.

This is an exciting reading, because from the head to the chapter (from the meeting to the meeting) we observe how each of the participants in the

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dialogue changes, how he learns to accept his loved ones and external circumstances. As a result, the relations within the family, more trusting and close.

5. “Why do men want sex, and women of love”

Allan Piz, Barbara Piz, Eksmo, 2014

Talking about the priorities, needs, methods of communication and the arrangement of the brain of representatives of each gender, psychologists Allan and Barbara Piz confirm some myths, debunk others and give a scientific explanation to the third.

It turns out that men cannot but lie to their wives, that 80% of the couples, where one of the partners snores, breaks up and that women are terribly exciting her husband’s offer to dust or wash the dishes.

Having devoted a lot of pages to the convincing exposition of insurmountable differences between male and female nature, the Piz spouses at the end soften the blow: “People differ from other animals in that they are able to determine and change their behavior, making a conscious choice”. To help us with this, and this book is written.

6. “Marriage died – long live marriage!”

Adolf Guggenbul-Craig, Kogito Center, 2007

The Swiss psychotherapist reflects on the fact that today is a condition for a happy marriage. He carefully examines the history of the institution of marriage and comes to the conclusion that the myth of a happy marriage has developed under the influence of the image of the Holy Family.

But he is nothing more than a myth: according to the author, “the so -called happy marriage has unequivocally lost”. Nevertheless, the author does not call for widespread divorces and families consisting of one person, giving us the opportunity to choose: “Marriage is the path of happiness of many, but it can also be different”.

7. “How to live in a pair and remain free”

Tina Tessina, Riley to. Smith, Phoenix, 2005

Is it possible to live with another person and at the same time avoid conflicts? Is it necessary to sacrifice yourself? We lose ourselves in a love union or, conversely, find? Is it necessary to defend your position?

American psychotherapists Tina Tessina and Riley to. Smith prove: the more frequent each of the partners feel, the happier and more durable their union. The book describes the strategies of behavior that allow you to peacefully overcome problems in relationships, love each other and at the same time remain free people.

8. “Honey, we need to talk about our relationship”

Patricia Love, Stephen Stosna, Sofia, 2008

Loss of trust and loss of spiritual connection between a man and a woman is the main reason for many divorces. American psychologists Patricia Love and Stephen Stosna, each of which advises married couples for more than a quarter of a century, argue that in most cases you can overcome the alienation.

In the book, they analyze the “dialogs of two deaf”, explaining in detail why it is so difficult for us to “hear” each other, which can be the subtext of certain accusations of inattention and lack of work. Startuply analyzing mutual claims, the authors explain how you can establish an emotional connection with their partner in crisis moments when the marriage is about to collapse.

9. “Why do we love: nature and chemistry of romantic love”

Helen Fisher, Alpina Non-Fikshn, 2013

Anthropologist Helen Fisher analyzed a lot of information about lovers: she made tomograms of their brain and conducted in -depth questionnaires;measured the level of dopamine and other chemicals, thanks to which we experience excitement and pleasure.

Fisher shares the results of his perennial research and explains what is happening to us at the biochemical level, when we fall in love, experience passion, love or suffer from unrequited love.

10. “The secrets of happy families. Male look “

Bruce Failer, Alpina Non-Fix, 2015

What does the “male” look mean? Minimum psychology, maximum technology, in our particular case. We will not find advice in this book like “listen to yourself”. But we will find a variety of instructions “How to make it …” – the children learned to manage pocket money, the quarrel turned not into a scandal, but into a step towards understanding and so on.

And also, notes Bruce Feiler, the leading speakers in the New York Times and the father of the family, it is important to recreate the story of his family. The general story is not only a reason to spend time together, listening and creating fascinating stories, it is still a sense of its place and its significance, its responsibility.

But the author is busy not only by children. Marital intimacy-in it he also opens up something completely unexpected: for sex, “proximity needs a couple least of all. Marriage people need a sense of isolation. Too close relations kill a desire “.